Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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