My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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