Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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