I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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