I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
In America we eat man semen.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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