I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
