I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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