We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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