Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
