I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
