If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Will you blow on my dice?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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