It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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