i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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