thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
