we have pet lesbian snakes
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
