We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
