you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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