two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
