You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
