I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
