So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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