he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
