Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
