Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
