You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
