super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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