apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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