He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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