We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
God, you're like boner-b-gone
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
