i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
