I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
