update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
