Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
