I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
