so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
