What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
