Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
