I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
