Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
