we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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