ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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