Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
