Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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