Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
