you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Bring me that man meat
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
