i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
