Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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