I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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