last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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