It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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